Dear Amy: My brother and I are both in our 70s. We lived far apart for much of our lives, but still kept in touch. Now that has changed. We've only spoken once in the last three years.

After our father passed, our mother sold their home. My father had previously told my brother that when they sold the house, he wanted to give a certain amount of money to each of us.

Our mother did not honor our father's wishes, but did give us each a smaller amount. Years later she deposited a good sum of money into his account. Mom later asked for the money back. My brother was angry, but he approved it, and then he stopped speaking to her.

My mother moved closer to me and I was her sole caretaker for seven years until she moved into assisted living. She spent all of her money paying for her care.

My brother thinks I got more money from her than he did, which is not true. He also expected me to give him money from the sale of my home because I had gotten more than the asking price.

I sent him $1,000. I also sent him $5,000 when he needed emergency dental care. I wondered why he never returned my calls, until I found out from his estranged wife that he had expected to receive a lot more money from me from the sale of my house.

Two years later I went to visit him, and he told me how he thought my daughter and I had gotten more money from our mother. I explained that wasn't the case, and I thought we had reached an understanding. But I haven't heard from him since. I've called him, but all I could do was leave messages.

My friends tell me I've done my part and now the ball is in his court. What do you think?

Amy says: I agree with your friends. Your repeated efforts to connect with your brother only seem to bring up new and unfounded charges about money he claims he is entitled to. Your assertions and reassurance seem to have no positive affect on him. Your periodic bids to connect go unanswered.

Yes, the ball is in his court. You should not expect him to pick it up and toss it to you, however. Now is the time for you to reckon with this loss.

Warning requested

Dear Amy: My husband and I live near his parents. They are very nice, but they have a terrible habit of showing up at our house uninvited. They'll be out doing errands and then just stop in.

I do not like this at all. I grew up in a small town with lots of family around, but we would never do this. We might call when we were on the way and ask if we could pop by, but I don't think in my whole life I ever had a family member show up at my house without any prior notification. If they did, I would think there was an emergency.

Last weekend they showed up, and because we weren't expecting company, our house was a complete shambles. We mainly keep it neat, but on this day it was awful. I was so embarrassed. What should I do?

Amy says: You should tell them, "I want to spend time with you, but could you please call first to give us a choice about whether it's a good time for us?" If they don't say "yes," ask the question again in a way that demonstrates that for you, this is not negotiable.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com.